Mentally Scarred Plumber .........

[Billy]

Poor Horse ...........(Steve Watson)

He has just been up to The Second most Saddist Man in Gateshead to fit a new Combi Boiler..........this TASK took Horse 3 days to complete ...........he has now WHITE HAIR, TWITCH, STAMMER, SLOBBERING and FOAMING from The MOUTH, SHOT NERVES, EAR ACHE and STONE DEAF (from Matty playing his record at full blast) .........tho the wost part was when Horse handed Matty the Bill ...........Matty said I can pay you in two ways, Provie Order, or Shephards Money ..........that finally pushed Hose over the edge..........Horse was last seen running from Matty's screaming and shouting, whilst pulling out his hair and ripping of all his clothes ..........Matty Turner has this effect on most people who dares to enter his Liar....or as Matty calls it ............THE SPRINGWELL SNAKE PIT .............

Matty Turner ...............God Bless Him............

[Jackie G]

are you sure it was a provie or shepherds money Billy?, cos knowing Matty as we do he probably paid him with white fivers Then again every time he opens his wallet the Queen blinks cos of the light thats been let in as she's not used to it. Poor horse though bless him I think I should put him up for one of those pride of Britain awards or something cos by lad it must've took one hell of a lot of courage to go & do a job at Mr Turner's & surviving to tell the story Horse I take me hat off to ye!!!

[Billy]

Alrgeeht Jackie ........

Just had a call from Horse ............Matty said he is paying him in Jam Jars for the work he carried out ..........Minus the entry fee into The Springwell Snake Pit, cups of tea in cracked cups, mouldy cracked biscuits and the privliage of listining to his record collection ....I bet you Matty had hidden the Chocolate Fingers from Horse !!!!!! ..............so in the end Horse owed Matty money......how crafty is Mr Turner ...........maybe he should be running our ECONOMY ............

THER'ES ONLY ONE MATTY TURNER ..............THANK GOOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jackie G]

Aye they certainly broke the mould once he popped into the world eh?......Good God, could you imagine if he'd had an identical twin, I think I would've emigrated

[Billy]

Jackie ........

The mould was never broken when Mr Turner entered the world................Matty nicked it.........and rents it out now and again to the health service when they need spare parts ........he's always been good at making a fast few quid ........JUST ASK HIS OFF SHORE BANK MANAGER AND ACCOUNTANT.....................

Billy................